When Coaching Becomes Control

There is a troubling trend starting to surface in junior netball, and it’s one we need to talk about openly. 

More and more parents are telling us the same story: 

• “We were told our child couldn’t train anywhere else.” 

• “We were warned not to trial for other teams.” 

• “We were told if we went elsewhere, our child would be cut — or never selected again.” 

Sometimes those warnings are subtle. Sometimes they’re explicit.  

This isn’t high-performance coaching. It’s coercive control and manipulation. 

The Myth of the Gatekeeper Coach 

A common thread in these situations is the idea of influence. 

Parents and players are told things like: 

• “I have the connections.” 

• “I’m the one who opens doors.” 

• “If you leave, those opportunities disappear.” 

This creates the illusion that a single coach holds the keys to an athlete’s future. In reality, that is rarely true. 

Netball pathways are not built on one person’s approval. Selection panels change. Coaches move on. Pathways evolve. Athletes develop at different rates and at different times. The idea that only one person can determine a child’s future is as misleading as it is harmful. 

And when that belief is used to keep families compliant, it becomes a form of emotional manipulation. 

Fear Is Not a Development Strategy 

When a coach uses fear to keep players and families “loyal” to them, that is not development or in the players’ best interest.  It is straight up coercion. 

Telling a 12-, 13- or 14-year-old that their future depends on staying silent, staying put, and staying obedient is deeply damaging. It creates an environment where athletes stop asking questions, stop exploring opportunities, and stop trusting their own instincts. 

In psychology circles, this behaviour is often described as gaslighting; making someone doubt their own judgement by implying that any alternative choice will lead to failure. 

And when children are involved, the consequences can be long-lasting. 

As parents, you may have already seen this play out in other sports.  Children become trapped in a cycle of constant anxiety, fear of disappointing adults, believing they “owe” loyalty to environments that don’tnurture them, or staying somewhere toxic because leaving feels too risky. 

The damage often isn’t visible straight away. It shows up later as burnout, loss of confidence, fear of change, or walking away from the sport altogether. 

No sport, and no coach, is worth that. 

Good Coaches Don’t Lock Doors - They Open Them 

Strong, confident coaches are not threatened by their players seeking additional development, new perspectives, or broader experiences. 

In fact, great coaches understand that: 

• athletes grow at different rates 

• exposure to different coaching styles is healthy 

• development is not linear 

• confidence comes from support, not fear, and  

• no single environment suits every athlete forever. 

The coaches who try to “bank” players, holding on to them at all costs, are rarely doing so in the athlete’s best interests. More often, they are protecting their own status, results, or convenience. That’s not development.  

Great coaches don’t claim ownership over opportunity. They prepare athletes to walk into whatever new opportunity appears.   

A Message to Parents: If You Hear This, Run!! 

If a coach ever tells you: 

• “You can’t train anywhere else.” 

• “You’re not allowed to trial for other teams.” 

• “If you go there, you’ll never make another team.” 

Please hear this clearly: 

That is your sign to walk away. 

If you are staying somewhere out of fear, not growth, then it is not the right place for your child. 

A healthy environment should make your child feel supported, encouraged and empowered; not scared, threatened or controlled. 

At its core, junior sport exists to help young people grow — not just as athletes, but as humans. 

 It does not exist to serve a coach’s ego, achievements, or need for control.  Any environment where fear is used to enforce loyalty has already lost sight of the true purpose of junior sport. 

So let this be very clear: 

1. Your child’s future is not owned by any one coach, club, or program. No one gets to hold it hostage. 

2. Trust your instincts.  

3. Trust your child.  

4. Remember…. the right environment will never ask you to stay small to belong. 

Love Kobie and Amanda - Owners of Netball Revolution